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July 21, 2008

Charles Deemer has the first three chapters of The Audio Book of Ginny Good at the Oregon Literary Review. Go listen to them. Or not. Here's an excerpt from the latest chapter I've been fiddling with of Oprah's Dead Son. Don't count on ever seeing it in print 'cause the only books you're ever gonna see in print are moneygrubbing bullshit books written by moneygrubbing bullshit writers and published by moneygrubbing bullshit publishers to make more and more moneygrubbing money by turning your poor pea-brains into Pablum. Oh, in case anyone thinks the excerpt sounds "anti-Semitic," keep in mind it's fiction and that characters in novels say all sorts of silly things:

OPRAH'S DEAD SON Chapter Forty-one (excerpt) "...Jews got given the State of Israel because of Hitler. Jews can do no wrong on account of all the wrong that got done to them, the same way Hitler got given Germany on account of all the wrong that got done to Germans after the First World War. The State of Israel can get away with murder the same way Nazis got away with murder. To the victor goes the spoils. Because of the Holocaust, Israel doesn't have to abide by international law. The Israeli Defense Force can attack and occupy any territory it wants to attack and occupy. UN resolutions have no effect on the State of Israel. Israel can kill and maim and kidnap and make slaves of anyone it wants to kill and maim and kidnap and make slaves of. Ten or twenty thousand Palestinians have been getting routinely tortured in Israeli jails for decades but let one IDF soldier get lost in Gaza for a day or two and all holy hell breaks loose, and that's just for starters. Because of Hitler, Israel has the God-given right to have all the nuclear weapons it wants and the means to shoot them anywhere it wants any time it wants and doesn't have to be a party to any ridiculous nuclear nonproliferation treaty, like those idiots in Iran. "Who's more likely to nuke its neighbors, or anyone else in the world for that matter? A country with no nuclear weapons that's a party to a global nonproliferation treaty or a country with four hundred nuclear warheads on missiles in submarines that can be launched in minutes against any other country in the world and isn't a party to a nonproliferation treaty? Oh, go ahead and throw tons of chemical and biological weapons in the mix, while you're at it. Jews are a hundred times more likely to be billionaires because everyone else in the world is scared of them. First, they're in complete control of all propaganda, all media, all entertainment, all politics...second, the State of Israel has more nuclear weapons than China and the UK put together and third, the United States will protect and defend Israel at all costs against all enemies forever. If you piss off a Jew nobody will ever hear a word you have to say and if you piss off Israel you'll get nuked. It's a stacked deck. All you ever hear about is Jews—Jews in the news, Jews in government, Jews in think tanks, Jews in New York, Jews in Hollywood...watch TV, go to the movies, listen to a politician, read a newspaper or a magazine or go to a baseball game if you don't believe me—and if you take normal, everyday nice Jews out of the equation, Jews who just live their lives like anyone else, the handful of Jews that's left has utter dominion over the hearts and minds of most everyone most everywhere and enough nuclear weapons to turn the Middle East—or China or Russia or the United States or anyone else who happens to piss 'em off—into a parking lot in ten minutes flat..." Read the previous two chapter here.

If you wanna listen to more chapters of The Audio Book of Ginny Good, click this:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html

Here's the real book of Ginny Good in its entirety for free:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn1.html

Here it is in a different format, also free:

http://www.readersandwritersblog.com/nonfiction/ginny-good

If you want a free copy of the whole huge fifteen-hour audio book extravaganza on .mp3 CDs, give me an address and I'll send you a copy. There's a bunch of other stuff on my little website, too. Click some links and see. Thanks. G.

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com
http://www.everyonewhosanyone.com

"...they'll have me whipped for speaking true, thou'lt
have me whipped for lying; and sometimes I am
whipped for holding my peace. I had rather be any
kind o' thing than a fool: and yet I would not be
thee, nuncle..."

Profile Books
3A Exmouth House
Pine Street
Exmouth Market
London EC1R OJH

(Serpent's Tail)

http://www.profilebooks.co.uk

All fixed. Here are two chapters of a memoir, one includes a long letter and the next, a diary. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch15m.mp3

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch16m.mp3

Serpent's Tail
3A Exmouth House
Pine Street
Exmouth Market
London EC1R OJH

http://www.serpentstail.com

Canongate Books
Tweeddale Court
14 High Street
Edinburgh EH1 1TE

http://www.canongate.co.uk

Virgin Books
Thames Wharf Studios
Rainville Road
London W6 9HA

http://www.virginbooks.com

Pinter & Martin Ltd.
6 Effra Parade
London SW2 1PS

http://www.pinterandmartin.com

The Maia Press
82 Forest Road
Dalston
London E8 3BH

http://www.maiapress.com

Mainstream Publishing
7 Albany Street
Edinburgh EH1 3UG

http://www.mainstreampublishing.com

Dear Gerard Jones, Many thanks indeed for the synopsis and samples from Ophra Wimsfree & The Mayonnaise Man. This does look very well written and interestingly constructed but I am afraid that as we publish relatively little by way of fiction, I cannot see a suitable niche for it on the Mainstream list. I can only thank you for the opportunity and wish you all good luck elsewhere. Best wishes, Yours sincerely, Bill Campbell, Director

Dear Bill: What a kind letter. Thanks. You have a useful website. G.

I.M.P. Fiction Ltd.
PO Box 14691
London SE1 2ZA

http://www.impbooks.com

Marion Boyars Publishers
24 Lacy Road
London SW15 1NL

http://www.marionboyars.co.uk

Portobello Books, Ltd.
Eardley House
4 Uxbridge Street
London W8 7SY

http://www.portobellobooks.com

Constable & Robinson, Ltd.
3 The Lanchester
162 Fulham Palace Road
London W6 9ER

http://www.constablerobinson.com

Carcanet Press
4th Floor., Alliance House
Cross Street
Manchester M2 7AP

http://www.carcanet.co.uk

Please remove info@carcanet.co.uk from your mailing list.

That's the email address you have on your website. G..

It is indeed, but Carcanet does not accept submissions by email, so again I'd be grateful if you could remove it from your mailing list.

If I got rid of all the publishers who don't accept submissions by e-mail I wouldn't have a website, right? Part of the point I'm making on my website is that nothing but money-grubbing propaganda ever gets published. I'll include the information you've provided and put a (666) by your e-mail address to remind me not to send you any more e-mails. Here's the sort of thing you're never going to get to hear 'cause no publisher accepts submissions by e-mail. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch23m.mp3

Peter Owen Publishers
73 Kenway Road
London SW5 0RE

http://www.peterowen.com

Pluto Press
345 Archway Road
London N6 5AA

http://www.plutobooks.com

Tindal Street Press
217 The Custard Factory,
Gibb Street,
Birmingham B9 4AA.

http://www.tindalstreet.co.uk

Dear Gerard Jones: Thank you for your amazing website, which a colleague has just alerted me to. Would you be happy to include details of Tindal Street Press on your site? We're not book doctors or silly and vain - rather we were set up in the late-1990s to counter some of the metropolitan bias in UK fiction publishing, which we have done with a measure of success: four prize-winning titles so far, distribution deals in the US, Australia and South-East Asia, a forthcoming French translation deal and excellent national reviews for each of our books. We publish novels and short stories by new writers from the English regions, with a particular focus on Birmingham and the West Midlands, as that's where we're based. We're a small (six titles a year), independent press (lucky enough to be funded by West Midlands Arts, Birmingham City Council and Travel West Midlands) always on the lookout for exciting new writers - and our commitment to author-development and the short story as a form make us fairly unusual in the book world at the moment. We've just relaunched our website with an online bookstore - www.tindalstreet.co.uk - and would be delighted to include a link to your site if you're interested. Thanks again for a great website, and I hope to hear from you soon. Best regards, Emma Hargrave, Managing Editor, Tindal Street Press Ltd., Tel: 0121 773 8157

Dear Emma: Sure. I took a look at your website and will add you to my site within a few days. I left out a bunch of good agents, editors and publishers, but when I hear about a good one I'm always happy to include it. Oh, and you're welcome to add a link to my site, but I really don't require any kind of quid pro quo. I just do pretty much whatever I want to do. Thanks. G.

Salt Publishing
PO Box 937
Great Wilbraham
Cambridge, CB1 5JX

http://www.saltpublishing.com

Methuen Publishing Ltd.
215 Vauxhall Bridge Road
London SW1V 1EJ

http://www.methuen.co.uk

Dedalus Limited
Langford Lodge
St Judith's Lane
Sawtry PE28 5XE

http://www.dedalusbooks.com

I.B.Tauris & Co.
6 Salem Road
London W2 4BU

http://www.ibtauris.com

The Waywiser Press
9 Woodstock Road
London N4 3ET

http://www.waywiser-press.com

Nicholas Brealey Publishing
3-5 Spafield Street
Clerkenwell
London
EC1R 4QB
+44 (0)20 7239 0360

http://www.nbrealey-books.com

Dewi Lewis Publishing
8 Broomfield Road, Heaton Moor
Stockport SK4 4ND

http://dewilewispublishing.com

Kingsfield Publications
1 Kingsfield Close
Bradford on Avon
Wiltshire, BA15 1AW

http://www.kingsfieldpublications.co.uk

Pegasus Elliot MacKenzie Publishers
Sheraton House. Castle Park
Cambridge CB3 OAX
+44 (0)1223 370012

http://www.pegasuspublishers.com

Vision Paperbacks
101 Southwark Street
London SE1 0JF

http://www.visionpaperbacks.co.uk

John Murray
50 Albemarle Street
London W1S 4BD

Severn House Publishers
9-15 High Street, Sutton
Surrey, SM1 1DF

http://www.severnhouse.com

Hesperus Press
4 Rickett Street
London SW6 1RU

http://www.hesperuspress.com

Reaktion Books, Ltd.
33 Great Sutton Street
London EC1V 0DX

http://www.reaktionbooks.co.uk

Atlas Press
27 Old Gloucester Street
London WC1N 3XXX

http://www.atlaspress.co.uk

Anthem Press
75-76 Blackfriars Road
London SE1 8HA

http://www.anthempress.com

Anthem Press is an independent and dynamic publisher of textbooks, academic and professional books and reference works, with offices in London (UK), Chicago (USA) and Delhi (India). We are committed to publishing works of serious intent in the Social Sciences, Humanities, STM and Business across a wide range of academic, professional and trade markets. Topics: General, Biography, Business & Finance, Culture & Media, Economics & Social Sciences, Education, History, Literature, Politics & International Relations.

Palazzo Editions
15 Gay Street
Bath BA1 2PH

http://www.palazzoeditions.com

The Do-Not Press, Ltd.
16 The Woodlands
London SE13 6TY

http://www.thedonotpress.com

Harlequin/Mills & Boon, Ltd.
Eton House, 18-24 Paradise Road
Richmond, Surrey, TW9 1SR

http://www.millsandboon.co.uk

White Ladder Press
Great Ambrook
Near Ipplepen
Devon TQ12 5UL

http://www.whiteladderpress.com

Gwasg Gomer, Llandysul,
Ceredigion SA44 4QL
Cymru/ Wales

http://www.gomer.co.uk

Canadian Adult Trade Editors & Publishers

Random House of Canada
One Toronto Street, Unit 300,
Toronto, Ontario M5C 2V6

http://www.randomhouse.ca

Penguin Books Canada, Ltd.
10 Alcorn Avenue, Suite 300
Toronto, Ontario M4V 3B2

http://www.penguin.ca

HarperCollins Canada
2 Bloor St. East, 20th Flr.
Toronto, Ontario M4W 1A8

(HarperFlamingo, PerennialCanada)

http://harpercanada.com

My first mistake. Ever. Really. Thanks. I'll fix things. Let me know if you want to see a review copy of GINNY GOOD. The Canadian rights are still available and from what I've been hearing, people like it. G.

McClelland & Stewart
75 Sherbourne Street
Toronto, ON M5A 2P9
(416) 598-1114

http://www.mcclelland.com

Thomas Allen Publishers
145 Front Street East, Suite 209
Toronto, Ontario M5A 1E3

http://www.thomas-allen.com

Raincoast Books
9050 Shaughnessy Street
Vancouver, BC
Canada, V6P 6E5

http://raincoast.com

Véhicule Press
P.O.B. 125, Place du Parc Station
Montreal, Quebec H2X 4A3

http://www.vehiculepress.com

ECW Press
2120 Queen Street East, Suite 200
Toronto, Ontario M4E 1E2

http://ecwpress.com

Nice idea. ECW is looking for non-fiction, especially in music, popular culture, memoirs, biography and autobiography. Although based in Toronto, we sell most of our books in the U.S., and overseas. Good writing matters to us, and first-hand information is helpful. Something like that, and maybe we'll attract a few mss. Thanks. Jack David

House of Anansi Press
110 Spadina Ave., Suite 801
Toronto, ON M5V 2K4

http://www.anansi.ca

Harlequin Enterprises Ltd.
225 Duncan Mill Road
Don Mills, Ontario
M3B 3K9 CANADA

(Harlequin Books, MIRA Books)

http://eharlequin.com

Goose Lane Editions
469 King Street
Fredericton, NB E3B 1E5

http://www.gooselane.com

Key Porter Books
6 Adelaide Street East, 10th Flr.
Toronto, ON, M5C 1H6
(416) 862-7777

http://www.keyporter.com

H.B. Fenn and Company Ltd.
34 Nixon Road
Bolton, ON L7E 1W2

http://www.hbfenn.com

Ronsdale Press
3350 West 21st Avenue
Vancouver, B.C. V6S 1G7

http://www.ronsdalepress.com

The Mercury Press
22 Prince Rupert Ave.
Toronto, ON M6P 2A7

http://themercurypress.com

New Star Books
107 - 3477 Commercial St.
Vancouver, BC V5N 4E8
(604) 738-9429

http://www.newstarbooks.com

The Dundurn Group
8 Market Street, Suite 200
Toronto, ON M5E 1M6

http://www.dundurn.com

Guernica Editions
PO Box 117, Station P
Toronto, ON M5S 2S6

http://www.guernicaeditions.com

Douglas & McIntyre Publishing Group
2323 Quebec Street, Suite 201
Vancouver, BC V5T 4S7

(Greystone Books)

http://www.douglas-mcintyre.com

Multicultural Books
6311 Gilbert Road, Ste. 307
Richmond, BC V7C 3V7

http://www.thehypertexts.com

Greystone Books
2323 Quebec Street, #201
Vancouver, BC V5T 4S7

http://www.greystonebooks.ca

Cormorant Books
215 Spadina Ave., Studio 230
Toronto, Ontario M5T 2C7

http://www.cormorantbooks.com

Rain Publishing
2025 Guelph Line, Ste. 264
Burlington, ON L7P 4X4

http://www.rainbooks.com

Kunati Publishers
75 First Street, Ste. 128
Orangeville, ON L9W 5B6

http://www.kunati.com

Madison Press Books
1000 Yonge Street, Ste. 200
Toronto, ON M4W 2K2
(416) 923-5027

http://www.madisonpressbooks.com

Irish Adult Trade Editors & Publishers

Fish Publishing
Durrus, Bantry
Co. Cork, Ireland

http://www.fishpublishing.com

Dear Gerard, First, congratulations on a refreshing, funny and truly original site. For reasons I've yet to work out, all things literary seem to be in the process of getting taken over by only the serious-minded artiste type, apparently determined to convince us literature is only worthy of consideration if it is deeply serious and, well, no fun at all.

Second, I work for Fish Publishing and am wondering if you could put a link or mention of the company and our services and competitions on Everyone Who's Anyone site. I run the editorial consultancy service (or, rather - I am the editorial consultancy service) dealing with everything from the not-so-great to the genius. I am, for example, editor to published author, two-time Pushcart and BASS nominee, winner of the Raymond Carver Award, Editor's Choice, and recipient of the 2004 Fish International Short Story Prize, Marc Phillips. I've edited every piece he's completed - from his novels short story collection, and screenplay - all of which have obtained agent representation - to poetry and journalism.

Fish Publishing runs the Fish Short Story Prize, one of the largest international short story competitions. They also run poetry, crime, and historical fiction competitions and provide a full editorial consultancy service designed to provide writers with one to one, ongoing, constructive feedback on their work, whether it is a complete novel or just the beginnings. Thank you for taking the time. Best, Kate Gould

All fixed. Look toward the bottom of this page:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/eduk2.html

Here's a chapter about Raymond Carver's editor (Chapter Eight):

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn2.html

If you want a copy of the free fifteen-hour Audio Book of Ginny Good on .mp3 CDs, let me know and I'll send you a copy. Thanks. G.

Mercier Press
Douglas Village
Cork, Ireland

http://www.mercierpress.ie

Hi Gerard: Our list is very much focused on history, politics and folklore and while we do publish other genres (fiction, business, MBS etc) all of our list is Irish Interest material. Good luck with Ginny Good - I look forward to seeing it on the bestseller lists next year. Every best wish, Clodagh Feehan

Dear Clodagh: Thanks. I'll fix things. Hey, do an Irish edition of Ginny Good. It's not strictly Irish Interest, but I'm half Irish and there's an Irish chick in it for a chapter or so. Every best wish to you, too. G.

Update, March, 2006

You're hilarious! Brilliant! Put a 666 next to me please! All best, Clodagh Feehan

You got it! I'm glad someone in the whole wide mostly wonderful world still has vestiges of a sense of humo(u)r. I'm glad it was some Irish guy; nobody pays any attention to them, either. Thanks. G.

They pay even less attention to Irish gals?.! Cheers.

Oh, my gosh, you're a girl! Who knew? Well, I'm sure over in Ireland lots of people do, but how was I supposed to know? Rats. I like girls. Go listen to some of my free audio book and if you like it, I'll send you a copy. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html

Merlin Publishing
16 Upper Pembroke Street
Dublin 2, Ireland

http://www.merlin-publishing.com

Hi Gerard, I think it would be useful if you could put a note on our entry that if people are sending in unsolicited material we would like them to follow the guidelines outlined in our Proposal Form. The Proposal Form can be downloaded from our website. Many thanks and best wishes, Aoife Barrett

Lilliput Press
62-63 Sitric Road, Arbour Hill
Dublin 7, Ireland

http://www.lilliputpress.ie

Poolbeg Books
123 Grange Hill, Baldoyle Industrial Estate
Baldoyle, Dublin 13
Republic of Ireland

http://www.poolbeg.com

UK Audio Book Editors and Publishers

(@) = Not a corporate fascist. (Feel free to apply for non-corporate fascist status...simply tell me in fifty words or fewer why you think you're not a corporate fascist.)

(*) = E-mail bounced. Correct information much appreciated. In fact, anyone who knows anything I don't know, let me know.

(!) = E-mail blocked (just mine, not yours), probably 'cause the intended recipient and/or the company by which he or she is owned and operated is an extra brainwashed, super chicken, corporate fascist goon.

(666) = Asked not to be contacted (by me, not by you), very likely because he or she is a happy little slave boy or a happy little slave girl and doesn't want it any other way, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com