Find (on this page): Ctrl+F

June 26, 2009

Here's the fourth installment from Chapter Nineteen ("La Honda," aka, The Acid Chapter) of The Audio Book of GINNY GOOD—easily and by far the best, most important work of literary art made anywhere in the world so far this century.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch19mclip4.mp3

Nobody's gonna listen to it, of course. People only listen to the trivial drivel their owners pay propaganda goons to get them to listen to, but so what? I made it. That was what I wanted to do. You can learn more about how the media and entertainment cabal rots your brain, robs you blind and keeps you a stupid slave from cradle to grave by reading Chapters 39-42 of Oprah's Dead Son.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/awsyn10.html

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/awsyn11.html

Nobody's gonna do that, either. Oh, well. Ignorance is bliss. We don't want to know what morons we are; we prefer to fritter and twitter and facebook our lives away while the rich get rich and the poor get poorer—in the meantime, in between time, ain't we got fun.

Here's Ginny Good (ISBN: 0972635750) in its entirety. You can buy it new for $16.95 (plus shipping) or you can read it online for free—yet another thing nobody's gonna do due to being brainwashed out of his or her silly, sappy, superfluous mind by the all-pervasive, mega-Nazi media and entertainment monopoly.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn1.html

Here's the index to The Audio Book of GINNY GOOD. It's free, too—everything I do is free. Listen to a chapter or two and, if you want a copy of the whole thing on .mp3 CDs (including shipping), give me an address and I'll send you a copy.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html

Finally, if you want to see what all else is on my modest, unassuming little website (way more than mere words can begin to say), click this:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/other.html

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com
http://www.everyonewhosanyone.com

"...they'll have me whipped for speaking true, thou'lt
have me whipped for lying; and sometimes I am
whipped for holding my peace. I had rather be any
kind o' thing than a fool: and yet I would not be
thee, nuncle..."

Holtzbrinck Publishers
175 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10010
(212) 674-5151

(St. Martins Press, Picador, Palgrave Macmillan, Tor/Forge, Bloomsbury, Farrar, Straus & Giroux, Henry Holt, Rodale, Audio Renaissance)

http://www.holtzbrinckus.com

St. Martin's Press
175 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10010

http://www.stmartins.com

i'd love to see owmm. thanks for remembering. i look forward to the read.

Look for it sometime next week. Thanks. Gerard Jones

Dear Sally: After reading a synopsis, you said you would "love" to see and that you were "looking forward to reading" the above-referenced novel. I sent it to you. Chris Holder returned it to me, unread, along with an enigmatic note about agents. Can't you read whatever you want to read? I'll tell you what. I'll send it to you again. It's gotten even better in the last month and a half. You have any editor, assistant editor, proof reader or unpaid intern read the thing and if he or she doesn't agree that it's better than any book St. Martin's has ever published, I won't trouble you with anything that's not represented by an agent. How about that? What have you got to lose? Not much. What have you got to gain? A lot. Thanks. Gerard Jones.

Oh, ps, by the way, I have a narrative non-fiction account of the woman who is documented to have been the first hippie in Haight-Ashbury, available through an agent. Thanks again. G.

Mr. Jones, Sally is on vacation, but she asked me to return your manuscript. She gets many queries and in this case, got you confused with someone else. She asked if we had ever seen anything of yours and I explained that you had sent manuscripts in but I always wrote explaining the company policy (all submissions must come through a legitimate literary agent). So good luck to you. Chris Holder, Sally's assistant

Chris, Just for the record, I never sent you a manuscript prior to this and therefore you never wrote to me explaining the company policy. Wouldn't it be cool to find the best, most widely read book St. Martin's ever published, by accident? How about asking Sally to take a look at it when she gets back from vacation? What the heck? Think outside the lines. She'll thank you. You'll be a hero. The thing's going to sell a million copies. You'll be famous. Ha! Thanks again. G.

Mr. Jones, You have submitted to us at least twice before and I've written you our policy on those occasions. And if you never received or kept those letters, you now know what the policy is...agent submissions only. If you have that much faith in your writing, you should be able to get an agent. And you will need an agent to submit to any major publisher. I'm sorry. I know it's frustrating but I do wish you luck. Chris

Dear Chris: I know for a total fact I never sent the nonfiction piece to anyone. I turned it over to the agent I mentioned. What she's done with it I do not know, although I'm sure she'd be happy to send it to you. This manuscript, however, I decided to have some fun with and sent out a few query letters on my own. Sally said she wanted to see it. I have no idea why. I took her at her word and sent it to her. Leslie Gelbman asked to see it too. I also have no idea why, but I sent it to her as well. Some agent named Jody Rein had this to say: "What an original romp, though. I hope you find an agnet who understands this book better than I do, and can help you find an enthusiastic publisher. You're a terrific and imaginative writer. Maybe you ought to go straight to Farrar Strauss or Knopf or Susan Kamil at The Dial Press and let the dense agents of more linear and transparent literature be damned." Serendipity's fun. How cool would it be if you guys just broke down and took a look at the thing and it turned out to be all that I say it is? I'm telling you, this book will sell more copies than any book St. Martin's ever published. Wouldn't that be sort of slick? I still simply do not see what you or Sally has to lose by having someone read the thing. Thanks. G.

Mr. Jones, You are a riot. If you have an agent, have her send to me. If you do not have an agent and you send your manuscript, it will be returned to you with yet another letter stating our company policy. Happy Fourth of July! Chris

Chris, Did I mention Pulitzer Prize? National Book Award? Is that Booker thing open to Americans yet? Okay, if it is, throw Booker Prize in there too. I'll have my agent send you GINNY GOOD. We can do a two book deal. You can be the first publishing house to have the same author win all those prizes for both fiction and nonfiction in the same year. Ha! Happy Fourth of July to you too. G.

Gerry (can I call you Gerry?), If you had an agent this whole time, why did you torture me?

Chris, Totally call me Gerry, sure. Or Ger. Or G. I don't have an agent for THIS book. I have an agent for the other book. I wanted to try selling this book on my own 'cause I like to try to do impossible things. Do you want me to have my agent send you the other book? Sorry about the torture, but I wasn't being duplicitous in any way. They're both extraordinarily good books. One has an agent. The other doesn't. Does that make sense? Thanks. G.

Hi Gerry. Sally would prefer not to be listed in your book. She appreciates it, but we are listed in the Literary Market Partners and that is fine for her and St. Martin's. And if you want your agent to send us your manuscript, that is fine. But only if it comes through an agent, per our submission policy. Remember? Take care. Chris

Hey, Chris: I so remember your submission policy, yes; boy, do I ever. It's branded into my forehead backwards so I can read it in the mirror every morning. Here's my submission policy...listen to it and weep. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch19m.mp3

Dear Mr. Jones, I'd rather not be included in the book, but thanks for the invitation. Sincerely, George Witte

Dear Gerald, Charles Spicer asked me to email you with regards to seeing the fiction ms. listed below. You can send it to Charles Spicer, Executive Editor, 175 Fifth Avenue New York, NY 10010. Thank you. Best, Joshua Rivkin, Assistant Editor

Dear Joshua: Okey dokey, look for it toward the end of the week. Thanks. G.

Dear Charles: In an email, Joshua Rivkin said you wanted to see the above-referenced novel. Here it is. The cool thing about you asking to see it is that Eric Simonoff at Janklow & Nesbit mentioned that Steven J. Cannell was one of his clients and I based this whole huge book in Rockford, Illinois and gave the main character a Firebird because my father and I used to watch The Rockford Files together. You will notice that some chapters have a different title. That's because I'm redoing the whole thing and didn't want to print the whole thing out again until I've finished the final edit. You should be able to get a pretty good idea from this whether you want to pursue it or not. I'm also sending it to Richard Morris at J&L, but have no idea whether he's going to want to represent it. He's liked what he's seen so far, however. Thanks again. Gerard Jones

Updates:

Oh, and, Charles, ps, by the way, six months ago, at your request, I sent you a copy of ASTRAL WEEKEND. Have you read it yet? Do you want to make an offer on it? Six months is quite awhile, but if you need more time to decide perhaps you could give me a sort of interim status report. Thanks. G.

I'm still waiting to hear from you regarding the book you asked me to send you a year ago. Any news yet? Doesn't it seem a trifle rude to ignore one polite request after another for over a year? It does to me. Thanks again. G.

Dear Mr. Jones: Charles Spicer asked me to write to you regarding ASTRAL WEEKEND. Many thanks for letting us see it! Unfortunately, while the story is interesting and very well written, this project just isn't right for our list at this time. I'm returning it herewith. Thanks again for letting us see this, and best of luck selling it elsewhere! Regards, Dan Rosenberg, Editorial Assistant

Dear Charles: One of your assistants finally returned ASTRAL WEEKEND after thirteen months. Thanks! I'm surprised and honored that the guy who edits Stephen Coonts thought my work was interesting and very well written! That's high praise indeed! I also very much appreciate that it took so long to decide that the project wasn't right for your list at this time, but take heart! During the thirteen months you had the manuscript I've made some changes which are sure to meet with you approval! In the newer version Amy Fisher, Susan Smith and Andrea Yates form a cyberspace sex cult and worship...guess who? Robert Blake! Ha! How about them apples? Wanna see it? Better hurry, though; I don't think it's gonna be available for another thirteen months. Great editors have a way of discerning great literature when they see it. In fifty years your great-grandchildren will remember you with pride as the guy who bought one of the books I wrote. Unfortunately, if you don't buy it, they won't remember you at all. Thanks again! All best! G.

I'm looking for nonfiction in pop culture, humor, web+technology, science/technology, and guy-oriented self-help. Thanks!

Picador, USA
175 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10010

http://www.picadorusa.com

Palgrave Macmillan
175 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10010

http://www.palgrave-usa.com

Tor/Forge
175 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10010

http://www.tor-forge.com

Macmillan Audio
175 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10010

http://www.macmillanaudio.com

Bloomsbury, USA
175 Fifth Avenue, 3rd Flr.
New York, NY

http://bloomsburymagazine.com/usa

I'd look at the masterpiece if it is a masterpiece, anton

Dear Anton: It's a total masterpiece. I'm sending it today to Fred Ramey, Charles Spicer and Richard Morris at Janklow & Nesbit. It's gonna be a tricky book to publish however. The main character has a fantasy during a seizure caused by a giant brain aneurysm which includes Oprah Winfrey. People are afraid of offending her. If you want to see a little of my literary roots, here's an old version of another book I wrote: Oops, forget it, got sold, but you can still check it out here:

GG Synopsis

Here's a synopsis of the new book. It's called ASTRAL WEEKEND. If you still want to see it after you've read the synopsis, let me know and I'll get another copy made today. Thanks. G.

AW Synopsis

Dear Anton: Wow. I just read your declaration in support of publishing The Wind Done Gone. You're a heavy-duty guy. I'd love to send you my book. I hope you still want to see it after you've read the synopsis, 'cause the synopsis don't do it justice. Here's a little snippet of my slick audio book. Thanks again. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch19m.mp3

Farrar, Straus and Giroux
19 Union Square West
New York, NY 10003

(Farrar, Straus and Giroux, North Point Press, Hill and Wang, Faber and Faber)

http://www.fsgbooks.com

I think the novel is skillfully done, but I wasn't won over. It felt too much like a performance for my taste. Paul Elie

Dear Mr. Jones, This synopsis really swings, but I don't see the book as one for us. Best of luck with it elsewhere. Paul Elie, Editor, F S G

Oh, heck. Thanks anyway. If you change your mind and want to see a few chapters, let me know. G.

Nonfiction, especially of a literary nature; fiction, especially translated fiction and foreign fiction in English; special interest in religion.

Hey, Paul, here's some religious stuff for you. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch19m.mp3

Henry Holt & Co., Inc.
115 W 18th Street
New York, NY 10011

http://www.hholt.com

Dear Gerard, I am responding on behalf of John Sterling, President and Publisher of Henry Holt and Company. Our website is www.henryholt.com. Yours, Marcy Beller

Dear Marcy: Thanks. It's a work in progress. Every little bit helps. I'll let you know when the site's up and running. G.

The focus here is on literary quality and ideas that stand a chance of lasting beyond the season's fashions—Jack Macrae

Dear Jack: A man after my own heart. That's the focus here, as well. My books are still going to be being read long after all the agents and editors who dissed them are dead, although the only one I've sold so far is GINNY GOOD which is coming out in Spring 2004. Here's a sample. Thanks again. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch19m.mp3

Simon & Schuster
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020

(Scribner, Simon & Schuster, Pocket Books, Kaplan, Atria Books, Simon & Schuster Trade Paperback, Pimsleur, Touchstone/Fireside, The Free Press)

http://simonandschuster.com

Dear Gerard: I do not buy or edit books in my current job. I'd suggest you have your synopsis or manuscript submitted to an editor at one of Simon and Schuster's imprints. Carolyn Reidy

Dear Gerard, Thanks for the opportunity to read the synopsis for Ophra Wimsfree & The Mayonnaise Man which Judith Curr passed along to me. I'm sorry to report that this doesn't seem like a project that would fit on our commercial list. I wish you the best of luck finding a publishing home for your novel. All best, Renee Brown, Assistant to Judith Curr

Dear Gerard, Please note that Judith Curr's e-mail address should be removed from this list of publishers. You may also want to note that Atria Books does not accept unsolicited (unagented) submissions. Thank you, Samantha Martin, Atria Books, Publisher's Office

Dear Samantha: Thanks. I'll pass that information along. G.

Gerald, Thank you for considering Louise for this project but she would prefer not to be included. However, we do wish you success in your endeavors. Brigitte Smith

If people ask not to be included, you should honor their request.

Dear Louise Burke: Please refer to my inclusion policy here:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/about.html

To save you from reading the whole thing, the policy is in the last paragraph. I'm sorry to have to include you but I need to include "everyone" or it won't be the way I want it to be. You're welcome to say anything you want to say, and I will pass it along. I have included the information that you do not wish to be included, for example. It's a matter of public record, however, that you are who you are and work where you work. Res ipsa loquitur, that's what I always say. Oh, and there's an even more detailed explanation here:

http://www.mobylives.com/Jones_EWA.html

Thanks again. Oh, and here's a better piece of writing than you've ever heard. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch17m.mp3

Dear Mr. Jones, At least 4 S&S execs have forwarded your query to me. Please direct all your information gathering towards this office, and we will decide the extent of our participation. Thanks, Adam Rothberg

Dear Mr. Rothberg: I've already directed all the queries I'm going to direct to those editors and S&S executives I was able to identify. My letter was self-explanatory. Those who wish to include comments about himself or herself and/or his or her interests are welcome to do so and I will faithfully and accurately record those comments on the website and in the book. Those who do not wish to respond will not respond and that will be their response. When and if I identify other S&S editors or executives, I will send them a similar query and get whatever response or lack of response I may get. It's not that big a deal. If an editor or executive doesn't have anything to say it seems simple enough to me to just not say anything. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch19m.mp3

My boss, Lauren McKenna, Asked me to e-mail you her bio to add to the page. Deirdre Dore, Assistant Editor, Pocket Books

Dear Deirdre: Tell your boss, Lauren McKenna, I said thanks--her bio was perfect; succinct; just right. Say something about yourself and I'll put you in there too. Thanks again. G.

Lauren McKenna started her publishing career at Pocket Books and has been there for the past six years. During that time she has worked on almost every aspect of mass-market publishing, including Romance, Westerns, Thrillers, Horror, Erotica, General Fiction, and even some Non-Fiction, especially pop-culture. She is always looking for new names and is especially excited about working on MTV Books and Pocket's new Downtown Press line. Some of her current projects include sexy Regency historical romances by Liz Carlyle, a non-fiction travel and biography guide to music's 'late and great' called Tombstone Tourists, a new fiction series based on the hit show Queer As Folk, the Sex & the City companion book, the Osbournes companion book, and much more.

I don't accept unsolicited email submissions.

The vast majority of editors don't even respond to unsolicited email submissions. Thanks. G.

So don't send them. It's the moral equivalent of spam. My two cents: get an agent.

I like sending them. The publishing industry is the moral equivalent of incest. I've got two books, one fiction and one nonfiction, both of which are better than anything Simon & Schuster has published in the last ten years. Here's the sort of thing agents say. This is from Jody Rein: "I hope you find an agent who understands this book better than I do, and can help you find an enthusiastic publisher. You're a terrific and imaginative writer. Maybe you ought to go straight to Farrar Strauss or Knopf or Susan Kamil at The Dial Press and let the dense agents of more linear and transparent literature be damned." Thanks again. G.

Who are you? You must be a virus. I'm deleting your first email. Identify yourself or to hell with your spam.

Dear Mitchell: I'm not a virus. Don't be silly. Go read what people say about this website:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/press.html

Then stick your name in any of the little search thingies scattered about and all will be revealed to you as if by magic. Thanks again. G.

It may not be a virus but it's still SCAM. Can't wait till this is illegal.

What, pray tell, could possibly be a scam about it? I've come up with a better alternative than the LMP (which costs $389 a year) and I'm giving it away for free. Golly gee. What a scam. It's gotta be a communist plot. Somebody did something nice for a change. The world's gonna fall apart. Or maybe you meant SPAM. Nope. Not that either. Just celebrating the American tradition of free speech and a free press, cracking myself up and providing some insight into the minds of an editor or two at a bunch of big publishing companies. Now, is there anything about yourself or your job that you would like to say? G.

Nope.

Thot not. Smile on your brother, brother. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch23m.mp3

Though your writing effectively captures the chaos and color of the times, I'm afraid I just didn't find myself connecting with the characters. They all seem so fey and mercurial (with the exception of Elliot) that they're a bit hard to understand. There's also a lot of incidental material, e.g. brushes with fame: Gordon Lish, Cassady, etc. that tends to distract from the main story. Bob Bender

Here's two fey, mercurial stories about poor Elliot's rise and fall, Chapters 6 and 32. G.

HarperCollins Publishers
10 E. 53rd Street
New York, NY 10022

(Access Press, Amistad Press, Avon, Eddo, Eos, Fourth Estate, HarperCollins, HarperTorch, Perennial, Quill, Regan Books, William Morrow, Smithsonian Books)

http://www.harpercollins.com

Nonfiction, including Double Deal by Michael Corbitt, The Way You Wear Your Hat by Bill Zehme, A Different Drummer by Mike Deaver and Fire Lover by Joseph Wambaugh. Forthcoming are such titles as Excuse Me While I Whip This Out by Kinky Friedman and Ugly Americans by Ben Mezrich.

Dear Gerard, Thank you for the proposal. Ultimately I am not interested in pursuing this project, and I wish you the best of luck in finding a good home for it. Sincerely, Diana Gill

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your submission. Regretfully, I am acquiring single title romances for Avon Books and your proposal does not meet my publishing needs.

W. W. Norton & Company
500 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10110
(212) 354-5500

http://www.wwnorton.com

Not for me. But thanks for writing.

Sorry. Probably not for me. But if you're going to send queries by e-mail, most editors want to know who you are and what you've published. CHS

Probably not for you? Want me to send you a couple chapters so you can be sure? Take a flyer, what the heck. Thanks. G.

First, who are you?

My name is Gerard Jones. You read an earlier book of mine which is now with an agent. You liked it. Here's the first chapter of the current book. Judge for yourself who I am. Thanks. G.

AW Synopsis

Nice and peppy, but not for me. If you have an agent, you should be submitting through him/her. I hope you realize there would be hefty permissions for the lyrics. Your word discrete should actually be discreet. Good luck [Smith, Carol]

Wow. You are sooo right about discreet. I'm amazed. Thank you. Bet you can't find any other thing wrong with the whole manuscript. Wanna bet? Thanks. Here's a little present for your trouble. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch33m.mp3

I am not going to make an offer to publish GINNY GOOD. There are times when your manuscript feels dead accurate to the times you describe, and some of it is truly quite funny. But the tone of the manuscript gets a bit wearing after awhile. There's a whine underneath the writing that keeps the reader from fully indulging in the work. Amy Cherry

Not for me, especially as I'm cutting way back on the amount of fiction I acquire. Amy Cherry

Okey dokey, anyone else around there I should send it to? Thanks. G.

Doesn't seem like a Norton book. Can't think of an editor here for it. Amy Cherry

I am a proofreader, not an "influential agent, editor," etc. and have no say in the acquisition of manuscripts. Please remove me from your mailing list. I cannot do anything for your career. Thanks, Don

Anyone has a say in the acquisition of manuscripts and I don't want anything "done" for my career. The best I can do is put a mark (666) by your name to remind me not to send you any more e-mails. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch24m.mp3

Houghton Mifflin Company
222 Berkeley Street
Boston, MA 02116

http://www.hmco.com

Harcourt Books
15 East 26th Street
New York NY 10010
(212) 592-1117

http://www.harcourtbooks.com

Rodale Publishing
33 East Minor Street
Emmaus, PA 18098

http://www.rodale.com

(@) = Not a corporate fascist. (Feel free to apply for non-corporate fascist status...simply tell me in fifty words or fewer why you think you're not a corporate fascist.)

(*) = E-mail bounced. Correct information much appreciated. In fact, anyone who knows anything I don't know, let me know.

(!) = E-mail blocked (just mine, not yours), probably 'cause the intended recipient and/or the company by which he or she is owned and operated is an extra brainwashed, super chicken, corporate fascist goon.

(666) = Asked not to be contacted (by me, not by you), very likely because he or she is a happy little slave boy or a happy little slave girl and doesn't want it any other way, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com