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January 24, 2012

Here's Chapter Seventeen (Vietnam) of The Audio Book of GINNY GOOD which is going to end up being one of the few memorable books of the 21st Century. Nobody ever made anything like it. This particular chapter takes place toward the end of January in 1965.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch17m.mp3

If you wanna read the text while you listen, click this:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn17.html

Nobody's gonna read it or listen to it, either one, of course. People only pay attention to the trivial drivel that keeps them stupid but so what? I did what I wanted to do.

Here's Ginny Good (ISBN: 0972635750) in its entirety. You can buy it new for $16.95 (plus shipping) or you can read the whole thing (or listen to more chapters) online on any device for free—yet another thing nobody's gonna do due to being brainwashed beyond belief by the uber-fascist media and entertainment monopoly.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggcha.html

The link includes the index to The Audio Book of GINNY GOOD, which is free, too—everything I do is free. Listen to a little and if you want the whole fifteen hour multimedia extravaganza on .mp3 CDs (including shipping), give me a mailing address and I'll send you a copy.

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com
http://www.everyonewhosanyone.com

"...they'll have me whipped for speaking true, thou'lt
have me whipped for lying; and sometimes I am
whipped for holding my peace. I had rather be any
kind o' thing than a fool: and yet I would not be
thee, nuncle..."

Fifi Oscard Agency
110 W. 40th Street, 16th Flr.
New York, NY 10018
(212) 764-1100

http://www.fifioscard.com

A. Mecke Literary Agency
P.O. Box 700
Litchfield, CT 06759
(860) 567-1761

http://www.ameckeco.com

The Charlotte Gusay Agency
10532 Blythe
Los Angeles, CA 90064
(310) 559-0831

http://www.gusay.com

Irene Webb Literary
551 W. Cordova Road, Ste. 238
Santa Fe, NM 87505
(505) 988-1817

http://www.irenewebb.com

Fox Literary
168 Second Avenue, Ste. 180
New York, NY 10003
(212) 710-5907

http://www.foxliterary.com

If the purpose of the listing is to make my contact information available to authors who would like to query Fox Literary, then I would suggest that you remove the phone number and the diana@foxliterary.com email address, since I do not take telephone queries or respond to email queries sent to diana@foxliterary.com (unless I have personally asked an author to email me at that address, or they have been referred to me by someone I know and trust). So if authors wish a response to their submissions, they must email me ONLY at submissions@foxliterary.com, as I will not respond to phone calls or multiple/unsolicited emails sent to any other address. Thanks, and all the best, Diana

The url to your page at PM is the link under your address. I replaced the "see more" link with an interview you did. The "purpose of the listing" is not to make contact information available for authors to query Fox Literary but to stick up whatever I feel like sticking up on my weirdo website, but I've passed your concerns along. Here's a YA story for you. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch03m.mp3

Jennifer Lyons Literary Agency
151 West 19th St., 3rd Flr.
New York, NY 10011
(212) 368-2812

http://www.jenniferlyonsliteraryagency.com

Irene Goodman Literary Agency
80 Fifth Avenue, Suite 1101
New York, NY 10011
(212) 604-0330

http://www.irenegoodman.com

Heacock Hill, LLC
1020 Hollywood Way, Ste. 439
Burbank, CA 91505
(818) 951 6788

http://www.heacockhill.com

I repeat: if your prose isn't up to the standard Gerard Jones sets, I don't want to hear from you.

If you're a real writer, "professional editors" will give you the creeps. If, on the other hand, you feel that a "professional editor" can make the difference for you between success and failure, a publishing contract and obscurity, you are most likely deceiving yourself, and there are plenty of "professional editors" who will gladly help you keep doing that, so long as you keep paying them.

I say this even though one of the books I edited warranted a commitment from the Hudson Institute for two million dollars for the author's experiment. I say this even though another work I edited garnered a one million dollar publishing offer. It's my job to seek out the exceptions to the rule. It's not my job to pretend to encourage mediocre talent with fake hopes about how anybody can succeed with the "right" boost, merely by paying some amateur grammatician.

If you have a pleasant gift for writing, write your heart out to your friends. Write your secrets to yourself to feel better. Write for your distant descendants. Perhaps make up a story or two. But if you feel the need for a "professional editor" to interfere in these things, you may be in a dilemma no "professional editor" would help with. S/he'd just keep wanting your money.

Some of you know I'm a literary agent. I deal with stellar people who have stellar personalities. I won't have less. If you don't know you are stellar -- don't worry, you'll know -- stop sending your stuff around right now. Things are tough enough where, in the commercial industry alone, 375,000 new titles are belched out in a year, 93% of them sink deservedly to the bottom of the tank, and the 7% that do make money probably include mostly textbook sales and that sort of thing. Anyway, those are the stats I remember reading from last year. The industry altogether, so I read last spring, had so far lost two billion dollars. Since then, Borders -- or was it Barnes & Noble -- sank deader than a doornail, after many industry versions of "bailout," or transfusions.

Corporate honcho Carolyn Reidy et al blame people for not reading what's in the corporate bookstores. Could it be that someone holy enough to earn a huge salary might be out of touch with reality? How could it not be? People are reading as much or more than ever. They complain to me about what's for sale in the corporate bookstores.

One of my authors has gone into his second edition in a short time and, electronically, is putting out a steady 1200 units a month. He's getting invited places worldwide to speak. A retired PM of Egypt endorsed his work, too (I made that happen). Another was longlisted for the MAN Literary Prize, aka the "Asian Booker," for a novel nobody's even heard of but me, Tom Keneally, Stephen Spielberg, Caroline Leavitt, Patrick what's-his-name and about 60 junior corporate editors so far, who aren't stellar like these people who think it's great. Another stands to get a Spielberg-size budget to direct his own version of a fuggin' SLAM BANG novel he wrote... which yours truly recognized right away, and several dozen editors so far who aren't stellar didn't.

Oh, everybody I have is great. I've made only one error so far: a semi-literate bonehead who has some mentions in the Guinness Book of World Records, thinks he's superhuman, and turned out to be crazy and a liar typical of his brand of crazy.

Any book that can be bought or sold can't be free. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggcha.html

Charles Tolbert Literary Representation
244 Fifth Avenue, Ste. 200
New York, NY 10010
(212) 769-7980

http://www.charlestolbert.com

Anne Edelstein Literary Agency
20 W. 22nd Street, Ste. 1603
New York, NY 10010
(212) 414 - 4923

http://www.aeliterary.com

Cine/Lit Representation
PO Box 802918
Santa Clarita, CA 91380

Many thanks for your ongoing, incredible service. Your research and time make it quite an amazing feat. ~Mary Alice and Anna

Man, that's about the fifteenth time I've spelled Santa Clarita rong. Something bad must have happened to me there; fortunately I'm way too senile to remember what. All fixed (I think). Thanks. G.

Kathi J. Paton Literary Agency
Box 2236 Radio City Station
New York, NY 10101
212-265-6586

KT Literary, LLC
9249 S. Broadway, Ste. 200-543
Highlands Ranch, CO 80129

http://www.ktliterary.com

Alison J. Picard, Literary Agent
PO Box 2000
Cotuit, MA 02635

Ann Elphick Literary Agency
36 W. 76th Street, Ste. 4A
New York, NY 10023

Thank you for the heads up on your web site. I'm new at this and can certainly use the extra plug! Thank you. I'm making the segue from many years in publishing pr and feel this gives me a good background for not only getting books published but publicizing them after they're sold. The latter is the easy part compared to the former. As we all know, many a book has died on the in-house publicist's desk. My specialty is celebrity bios, literary fiction, self-help and anything else that is well-written, smart and timely.

Publicizing them after they're sold is the tricky part to me. The hype starts with the sale. If some big publisher is willing to invest a bunch of figures in a book, people immediately think it must be a good book. I'm beginning to lose my sense of the absurd. Thanks. G.

The McCarthy Agency, LLC
7 Allen Street
Rumson NJ 07760

Goldfarb & Associates
1501 M Street, NW, Suite 1150
Washington, D.C. 20005

I'm an attorney, and author of 10 books and over 100 articles, as well as a literary agent, which distinguishes me from other agents. Tell me about your books, and you. rg

The new one's going to be impossible to sell because it reunites Oprah Winfrey with the illegitimate child she had when she was fourteen. That whole subplot turns out to be a fantasy induced by the main character having an intracranial aneurysm, but the reader isn't let in on that fact until the fantasy's over and replaced by a more troubling world view--reality. I'll include what distinguishes you from other agents. All I have for you at this point is your name and email address, if you want anything else, let me know what. Thanks. G.

Dear Gerard, As we used to say in television, you buried the lead! So, you'd like to get a book published? Wouldn't we all... Anyway, re the "masterpiece" masquerading as a thriller...attach the first two chapters to me, and I'll take a look. I'll get to the memoir in a little bit. You say that you're putting together a book of agents/editors/publishers? That's fine but it's hard to keep up with all the changes in publishing and even as plugged in as we like to think we are, we have trouble even though we update our books weekly. I also have a copy of Writer's Guide etc., the one that Herman puts out (we're not listed; we're only in the LMP) and I see that it's out-of-date in many instances even though it is the 2002-03 edition. So, good luck with that. And your website? When will that be up and running? Best regards, Robbie Anna Hare

Dear Robbie: I'll end this with a synopsis of the masterpiece masquerading as a thriller and include .rtf attachments of the first two chapters. Take your time with the memoir, it ain't going anywhere. As for Who's Who in adult trade publishing, nobody, not even LMP has got anything like it. It's all going to be free, no advertising, no popups, only a place where people can send me money if they want to and it will include whatever pertinent information I was able to find about a whole bunch of agents, editors and publishers--around 900 so far. I'm not including those for whom I couldn't find an email address. About you, for example, all I have is your name and email address, but that, apparently, was enough. I can update the thing whenever an update is in order, weekly, monthly, whatever. So, will that be slick, or what? Thanks. G.

Dear Gerard, I hope this response hasn't taken too long. As I said, the pile on my desk is Mt. Everest high, and it takes a while to get through all the material. I enjoyed Giselle's antics -- but then, I'm a fairly quirky reader. However, I've had bad experiences in trying to find publishers for work in this genre, and I'm afraid to say, with very little success. Most editors just aren't willing to take on something that doesn't "fit" really well, and I'm afraid I don't think your novel does. At least not yet. So, do please accept my thanks for letting me take a look, and my best wishes in finding an agent who will grab it out of your hands. Sincerely, Robbie Anna Hare, Goldfarb & Associates

Hey, Robbie, don't feel like the Lone Ranger. I'm kind of getting off on the idea that the thing ain't ever going to get published. I consider it a feather in my cap that it don't fit with the claptrap and crap people are publishing readily these days. Thanks for taking a look. Either your email or my email is whacked, by the way. I'm forwarding this to you the way I got it. Thanks again. G.

Dear Gerard, Yikes. Reading my letters to you on your Website was a bit like walking into the living room after guests have arrived and finding I've left my bra draped over the sofa! Anyway, it is what it is and at least the bra is clean, that is, I sound like a reasonable agent with whom to be dealing...How's it all going? All my best, Robbie

Dear Robbie: Ha! It's going swimmingly, thanks. Some people's bras are less clean than others, apparently, but it is what it is—res ipsa loquitur, I always say. G.

Update: March, 2006

Dear Gerard, Good to hear from you, and to see you retain your good-homored edge despite so much rejection. Clearly, you are more philosophical, and optimstic than I! I would like a change to my info on the site, please. For a variety of reasons, including wanting time to research a project of my own that's been on the backburners far too long, I'm taking on very little fiction these days, preferring non-fiction which is, as we both know, a somewhat more predictable market. Oddly, it appears my list favors political and psychological/prescriptive -- with some horseracing thrown in! -- so I'd say they are the sorts of submissions I'll be happy to take a look at. Thanks, Robbie Anna Hare

Horseracing, yes! I ain't philosophical I just happen to know for a total fact that I'm too cool for school, despite what 20,000 nincompoops in the entertainment and media businesses who've never read or listened to my beautiful books have somehow mysteriously concluded. I've got a clip of Neal Cassady asking, "Who's ever happy angry?" in Chapter Twenty-two of the audio book of Ginny Good.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggcha.html

Thanks. G.

Alison Bond Literary Agency
155 West 72nd Street
New York, NY 10023

Baror International, Inc.
PO Box 868
Armonk, NY 10504

http://www.barorint.com

The Peter Lampack Agency
551 Fifth Avenue, Suite 1613
New York, NY 10176

Nancy Coffey Literary & Media Representation
240 West 35th St., Ste. 500
New York, NY 10001
(212) 279-2021

http://www.nancycoffeyliterary.com

Wendy Lipkind Agency
120 E. 81st Street
New York, NY 10028
(212) 628- 9653

Bleecker Street Associates
532 La Guardia Place #617
New York, NY 10012

Linda Allen Literary Agency
1949 Green St., #5
San Francisco, CA 94123

Larsen-Pomada
1029 Jones Street
San Francisco, CA 94109
(415) 673-0939

http://www.larsenpomada.com

Gerard, please add this to my listing:

NO PAPER PLEASE! I accept only emailed submissions of adult genre fiction and children's middle-grade and young adult fiction. The first ten pages and a 1-2 page synopsis should be pasted into the body of an email. I don't open attachments. Reply time is approximately 4 weeks but could be longer if I?m especially busy. I'm looking for great writing, solid world building, characters that are compelling and unusual plots. (Who isn't?) Visit my blog at www.agentsavant.com for insight. I handle adult genre fiction and middle grade/young adult children's books.

All fixed. Here's a chapter of Ginny Good called "La Honda." Tell me if anything's changed since May of 1965:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn19.html

Here's the whole book. Thanks. G

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggcha.html

Andrea Brown Literary Agency

http://www.andreabrownlit.com

Spencerhill Associates, Ltd.
P.O. Box 374
24 Park Row
Chatham, NY 12037

The Corporate Law Group
Waterfront Plaza, 500 Airport Blvd., Suite 120
Burlingame, CA 94010
(650) 227-8000

http://preskilllaw.blogspot.com

Hornfischer Literary Management
P.O. Box 50067
Austin, TX 78763

http://www.hornfischerliterarymanagement.com

PMA Literary & Film Management
45 West 21st Street, 6th Flr.
New York, NY 10010

http://www.pmalitfilm.com

PMA receives hundreds of submissions weekly. A professional writer acts as such before they are published. Best of luck.

How does one "act" professional? Is that some kind of code word for being a kowtowing, no-talent, kiss-up gerbil who couldn't write his or her way out of a paper bag? Just curious. G.

No, more along the lines of not writing a nasty response when receiving a letter declining representation.

Oh, come on, you think Kafka didn't get a little ticked when nobody published any of his stuff while he was alive? And yet if you had one of his "nasty" responses you could auction it for more money than you're gonna make in the next ten years. Chill, dudette. G.

D4EO Literary Agency
7 Indian Valley Road
Weston, CT 06883
(203) 544-7180

http://publishersmarketplace.com/members/d4eo

Sure. Send the first few chapters as an attached Word or rich text file(s). Bob

Here are the first six chapters, around 50 pages, as .rtf files. Thanks. G.

I like the first chapter. Assuming that the ms. is not out with other agents and hasn't been seen by publishers, please send it to me on a two week exclusive basis and I will let you know if I will offer representation. Best, Bob

When I got to page 134 and was truly disappointed that I had no more .... it was clear I would like to try and sell your book for you. I haven't a clue where this novel is going except that it seems clear that The Mayonnaise Man is all in her mind ... what you do with that and where you are going I have not a clue. Yes, please send the rest. I'm pleased to become your agent. Best, Bob Diforio

Hey, Bob, here's a synopsis. You're right about it being a total fantasy, think "Being John Malcovich," but, be that as it may, it's still going to be a tricky book to sell on account of Oprah's gonna have a cow and publishers are scared of her insofar as she appears to have accounted for around eight percent of trade fiction sales over the last few years. I'm still fiddling with the end, but I'll send you the rest of what I have. Thanks. G.

Thanks. Now tell me something about you. Best, Bob

Something about me? Like biographically speaking? I grew up in Michigan, moved to San Francisco, had a long life and now live in Ashland, Oregon. My literary education? How and why I became a "writer?" Okay. Chapter Eight.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn08.html

Thanks. G.

Hi - Sorry to report that Sourcebooks is passing, just received their letter of 7/15. I am going to return the ms. and send you a copy of the letter. Sorry I couldn't be of more help but I am just swamped with work. I wish you every success with another agent. Bob

What? G.

Aren't you the author of Ophra Wimsfree & The Mayonnaise Man?

Yep, but I haven't heard anything from you for months, haven't finishd the ms. yet and have no idea why you're sending it out. Kindly explain. Thanks. G.

We had an exchange of e-mails in which I offered to have one editor read the work to date. You sent me revisions, twice and with the second set I sent it to an editor at Sourcebooks. Do you not remember your note "use this and throw out what I previously sent?" The point of my earlier e-mail today was that the editor at Sourcebooks passed and I am returning what you sent me back to you. This didn't happen in a vacuum. Bob

Bob: I have all our emails. You did not offer to have "an editor read the work to date," nor were you authorized to act on my behalf. We established no agency agreement. And if we had wouldn't your "best efforts" include submitting the work to more than one editor? Just curious. Thanks again. G.

Richard Parks Agency
138 East 16th Street #5B
New York, NY 10003

http://richardparksagency.com

Literary and Creative Artists
3543 Albemarle Street NW
Washington, DC 20008

http://www.lcadc.com

Metropol Literary
115 W. 29th Street, 10th Floor
New York, NY 10001

9663 Santa Monica Blvd.
Beverly Hills, CA 90210

http://www.metlit.com

Stephen Pevner
382 Lafayette St.
New York, NY 10003
(212) 674-8403

Jodie Rhodes Literary Agency
8840 Villa La Jolla Dr., Suite 315
La Jolla, CA 92037

http://www.jodierhodesliterary.com

Candice Furhman Literary Agency
60 Greenwood Way
Mill Valley, CA 94941

The Hall Agency
69 Fifth Ave., 11th Flr.
New York, NY 10003
(212) 675-6259

Hopkins Literary Associates
2117 Buffalo Road, Ste. 327
Rochester, NY 14624

Lyle Steele & Company
511 E. 73rd St., Suite 7
New York, NY 10021

Daniel Bial Agency
41 W. 83rd Street, Suite 5-C
New York, NY 10024

Jenny Meyer Literary Agency

L. Perkins Associates
15-9 Interlaken Court
Freehold, NJ 07728

Dear Gerard: Like so many of the agents you've contacted, I have a rather full clientele, since I've been in the business 18 years. I handle dark fiction (sci-fi, horror and dark fantasy, as well as dark literary fiction) and nonfiction about pop culture. I'm taking on very few new clients right now. Best, Lori Perkins

Dear Lori: If you do dark fantasy and dark literary fiction, you ought to take a look at this:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/awsyn.html

Or not. Thanks again. G.

Gerard: Thanks, but it's not for me. Best, Lori

Gerard: This is a great resource for writers, and an enormous amount of work for you. But very cool. Good luck with it. I hope it makes you famous, or at least notorius. You might want to try writing up your experiences chasing agents and editors for one of those writing articles. Best, Lori

Hey, Lori, it's not really that much work and what work it is is fun or I wouldn't do it. There will most likely come a day when all this agenting and editing and book buying and book selling and book promoting will be done more electronically and resources like my little website will come in handy. I like being a pioneer. As for writing an article, the thing's an article all by itself. Thanks. G.

The Rappaport Agency
15-9 Interlaken Court
Freehold, NJ 07728
(908) 770-4614

http://www.rappaportagency.com

Spectrum Literary Agency
320 Central Park West, #1-D
New York, NY 10025

http://spectrumliteraryagency.com

The Jeff Herman Agency
PO Box 1522
Stockbridge, MA 01262

http://www.jeffherman.com

Creative Book Services
66 Grand Street, Suite One
New York, NY 10013
(212) 226-1936

Patricia Moosbrugger Literary Agency
165 Bennet Ave., Ste. 6M
New York, New York 10040

The Doe Coover Agency
PO Box 668
Winchester, MA 01890

http://doecooveragency.com

Anderson Literary Agency
435 Convent Ave., Ste. 5
New York, NY 10031

Stephanie von Hirschberg Literary Agency
1385 Baptist Church Rd.
Yorktown Heights, NY 10598

Kathryn Green Literary Agency
250 West 57th St., Ste. 2302
New York, NY 10107
(212) 245-4225

Ruth Cohen, Inc., Literary Agency
PO Box 2244
La Jolla, CA 92038

3890 Nobel Drive, Ste. 707
San Diego, CA 92122

Barbara Tolley Associates
80 5th Avenue
New York, NY 10011
(212) 647-1800

Julie Rubenstein

Regina Ryan Publishing Enterprises
251 Central Park West, #7D
New York, NY 10024

Robert Astle Literary Management
419 Lafayette St., 2nd Flr.
New York, NY 10003
(212) 277-8014

http://www.astleliterary.com

The Fielding Agency
269 South Beverly Drive, Suite 341
Beverly Hills, CA 90212

http://fieldingagency.com

Rebecca Strong International Literary Agency

Analog Arts Agency
417 Broadway
Santa Cruz, CA 95060
(831) 457-9466

The Grosvenor Literary Agency
5510 Grosvenor Lane
Bethesda, MD 20814
(301) 564-6231

(@) = Not a corporate fascist. (Feel free to apply for non-corporate fascist status...simply tell me in fifty words or fewer why you think you're not a corporate fascist.)

(*) = E-mail bounced. Correct information much appreciated. In fact, anyone who knows anything I don't know, let me know.

(!) = E-mail blocked (just mine, not yours), probably 'cause the intended recipient and/or the company by which he or she is owned and operated is an extra brainwashed, super chicken, corporate fascist goon.

(666) = Asked not to be contacted (by me, not by you), very likely because he or she is a happy little slave boy or a happy little slave girl and doesn't want it any other way, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com